The Great Debate

Dark chocolate versus milk chocolate?  Nope.  White bread versus wheat bread?  Nope.  Actually, this is a much bigger deal than either one of those things.  And, if I were feeling more creative at 10:00 at night after a hard workout and moving offices today, I would have had really clever "debate" options listed at the beginning of this.  Instead, I feel brain dead and I can barely spell right (or, technically, type correctly) at this moment.

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The Great Debate in question?  Marriage versus civil unions.  In case you missed it (or don't live in Illinois), the Illinois House approved a civil unions bill on November 30, 2010 and the Senate approved it on December 1.  That means that civil unions for same sex couples (and others) is *fingers crossed* just around the corner.  Governor Quinn is supposed to be signing this bill sometime, well, now.  The last news about the bill seemed to imply that he would likely sign it before the end of 2010; however, there doesn't seem to be anything that documents this.  A little frustrating?  Yes.  It's expected to go into effect July 1, 2011, though.  So, yep, that means that our wedding will get to count.  Mostly.

Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic about Illinois passing the civil unions bill and about the possibility of Crissy and I being recognized as a couple in some capacity within the state.  But, while civil unions have their positives, it's still not a marriage.  It might seem silly to others that I care about that one word, "marriage," but it makes a difference.  Marriage means that the union is recognized in any state.  If we were a heterosexual couple and had the same ceremony we're planning, we could travel anywhere in the country - or world - and be recognized as a married couple.  Instead, when we travel after September 3, 2011, we still don't technically get to call ourselves married.  How we end up dealing with all of that is yet to be seen.  Marriage means that you get that box to check on every stinking form you fill out EVERYWHERE.  Have you ever seen a box for civil unions?  Nope.  Now, I'll be honest, I've fought that marital status box from the moment I got divorced.  I've hated having to fit one of the categories they pre-determine for me.  But, now that I'm about to join the person I love for the rest of my life - I want that option.  I want that stupid, little, tiny box that will recognize what we have.  Marriage means that the federal government recognizes you, that it impacts your taxes and that you're covered by FMLA.  Civil unions?  Not so much.  Now, I realize that FMLA doesn't impact all businesses due to size and whatnot - and that some businesses/corporations may have their own same-sex partner benefits that include something similar to FMLA.....but it's not the same. Did you know that the federal government affords more than 1,100 benefits and protections to married citizens that are not afforded to those in civil unions?  (source)  Marriage means if you want to change your name, you show people the marriage certificate.  It's pretty easy, really (well, it's a lot of time consuming efforts - but not too hard all in all).  Civil unions?  Name changes requires a court and lots of fees.  That's a big bummer if you know about the conversations Crissy and I have had about changing our last names to become one unified family (*please recognize that we WILL sometime soon post some of the fun last name suggestions received from our engagement parties).  You see, here's the deal:  We just want to be equal.  I want to fill out a marriage license for our big day, not figure out what we'll need to do for the new civil unions in Illinois. 

Here's what civil unions will do for Crissy and I (which again, I am grateful for): 

• We'll be able to make medical decisions for the other, if ever needed
• We'll be able to visit the other in the hospital without hassle(let's hope this and the first one aren't needed for a VERY long time!)
• Adoptions will be easier (though, Illinois, has allowed same-sex adoption before now)
• It means less hoops we have to jump through to be on one health insurance policy

There will likely be other benefits, as it seems the intent is to entitle the same legal obligations, responsibilities, protections and benefits afforded to spouses - to those in a civil union.  It sure would be nice, though, for that bill to be signed and for us to see exactly what they have in mind.

I will say, though, that Crissy and I are pretty lucky.  I work for a great, small agency that is fully supportive of me, my relationship, Crissy and our decision to marry (regardless of what Illinois wants to call our ceremony).  On top of that, Crissy's employer grants domestic partner benefits (albeit difficult to acquire, perhaps).  Not to mention the fact that we have friends and family who are supporting us on this journey.


We just want to know - what's wrong with a little marriage equality?  And, what's taking the U.S. so stinking long to make it happen?